我也曾经遇过

Received a msg from SM...poor guy having trouble sleeping...haiz...what can I say...we're 2 persons afflicted with the same troubles in the same boat at this moment...well...at least I'm recovering my equilibrium...

True...Ben and I are 2 very different people...we have quite different goals...with him everything's always about work...for me I want to work hard...but play harder...I believe a person's life should be spent doing things she enjoys doing while striving for goals...concurrently...he wants to settle down...but I'm not ready to...not until I'm at least 2 years into a relationship...so I know what I want and how to work things out...I don't want to have to deal with the unnecessary things which can otherwise be avoided...but unfortunately...he doesn't seem to understand that...

SM...thinking makes you feel tired...doesn't it? Then tell yourself you don't want to think so much...try casting everything behind you...look forward...don't look back...don't worry about troubling me...like I told you...talking to you makes me put my own problems into perspectives...sometimes I get so tired thinking I just don't want to think anymore...I totally understand how you feel...I was in your shoes once too...you know...I was stuck in the rut...unable to save myself...for 2 whole years...before I started regaining the sight and the strength to climb out...

Give yourself time...Rome was never built in a day...sometimes we lose sight of ourselves...sometimes we lost confidence...sometimes we lose strength...give yourself time to grieve...then get it over and done with...you never stand alone...always remember that...you have friends and family and people around you who understand...to different levels...what you're going through...even if I can't fully understand or feel how you feel...at least I can remember the agony I went through when I experienced the same thing...and I don't want you to feel the same way becos I can remember how terrible that period was...

C'mon...you can do it...you know you can...just keep yourself very busy...and before you know it...it will be over...I should know it...cos I've been there too...

Voodoo!!

Bad start to an equally bad day...well actually...the day didn't end so badly after all...met with an equally confused headless housefly...ha ha ha...old friend...you know I'm talking about u...admit it...ur previous old old specs DO make you look like a housefly...

Head started hurting and swimming early in the morning...irritant...nearly drove myself crazy with all those errant thoughts...can't seem to control them...nor control my own emotions...seemed to be spiralling outta control...thank goodness for my old trusty friends around me...thanks sista...thanks SM...you guys rock!!

I believe I still have good karma after all...just that recently my good karma may have been clouded by some bad air...just when I thought I'm at one of the lowest points...friends actually started asking after me...Rick...thanks old friend...and banker PT...strange that 2 persons in 2 very different positions who have never met face-to-face can actually connect...I learned something from PT...to treasure and appreciate friends who're really worthy...and to access who's worthy or not...and to do things for them...sorry sista...din get anything for you from BK...I owe you one!!

Dear sista got for me a voodoo doll...cute cute cute!! Thanks!! *muak* love you for it...really touch my heart...

Skate Meet @ Paya Lebar Airbase

Skate meet! At Paya Lebar Airbase...gosh...had to drag myself awake at 5+am in the morning...what kinda ungodly hour is that to start doing stuffs? But it's ok...it's worth it...a once-a-year experience...

Reached the airbase by...7am? Thomas picked us up at bout 6.30am...had Mac breakfast then got ready all equipment...geared up to go!! Unstable on my blades still...but what the heck...it's do or die!! 'Sides I'm not alone...I have my dear sister with me...and all my caring kaki-bladers around me...YOU GUYS ROCK!!!

Skated 15km today!! Is that long or what?? Lucky my legs didn't give way on me...did quite well if I say so myself...practise...as they say...makes perfect...find myself able to glide...stability not consistent though...gotta concentrate!! Damn!!

Rained after we were in the car leaving the place...went Circuit Road for lunch...boy...was I ravenous!! But everything's worth it though...look at all the happy and satisfied faces!! Went back EC...but still raining though...those die-hard bladers initially still thought of waiting the rain out and get back on track...but just sat at Mac Cafe and chilled out...left for home to sleep...never had such a good sleep...really enjoyed this one...

A New Beginning

Cried so hard...never knew an old old friend could hurt me so badly...I didn't even betray her and she had to write those things that cut to the core...
Revenge...how could she believed it? If revenge was really what I wanted...something would have happened by now...that fateful day...everything was a blur...nothing like this has ever happened before...if an old friend couldn't understand...who could? Things would have been said in anger...
All those years when she was in Australia...when she wrote emails to me.A..when she called me...confiding to me her problems...I listened to her without fail...I responded to her emails late at night...those many years ago...when she was still a self-righteous hippie...I felt like I was always the target of her bullying...all the pinching and slapping...all the hitting...it drove me nearly crazy...told her off but I put up with it best I could...that fateful night when I was supposed to go KL with her but couldn't make it cos I left office at 8pm+ and was by then so sick...had to call her to tell her I couldn't make it...only ended with scoldings and a slammed phone...all the things I've put up with...and now I'm not even worth walking with just because of the things that happened to me recently to put me down...that made me turn negative in this period of time...things that brought me down...and the whining? How can it be justifiable??? What about all those years ago when she talked to me nonstop about her probs...about her family probs...shouldn't I call it whining too??
And a guy whose life she's almost destroyed...who is she to judge me like this? And I thought she may be angry becos of him...what do you really know or understand? I don't even understand or know what to believe anymore...
My new friends? What about yours?? My friends have always been activity partners...nobody that influenced me in any way...what about the countless friends you've been through??
No end to it...no point to go on...all perception...nothing is ever really right or wrong...if I had to suffer through a hurtful and harsh message like this and at a time like this...without even the courage to tell me straight to my face...perhaps this was what I should have done all those years before...and the finality of it...
I guess I should respect her decision...if this is what she wants...I don't understand the finality of it though...maybe she just wants to get rid of all the unpleasant things in life...even if it's an old friend...if this is what an old friend means...then it doesn't mean anything anymore...
Years on...I may forgive...but I'll never forget...how to forget those words??
Yet...I'm not totally without fault...not where she's concerned...but where he's concerned...things being said...the inconsistency of it...don't know what to believe anymore...
Doesn't matter...here is where I walk on alone...here is where I learn my lesson and grow up...here is where I learn to be stronger...Things change...people change...she's right...friends come and go...the past will remain in the past...the present will become the past...and so will she...
Goodbye dear friend...I will not fault you for your decision...even though I don't understand...remember you chose this path first...if ever one day we can sit down together...things will never be the same again...remember that you chose to burn your bridges...perhaps you just want friends around you who're always happy...remember nobody is always up...nobody can remain positive all the time...
Thank you too dear friend...for all that you have done for me...I have not forgotten and will not forget...

Call you? Never...didn't even know what was going on when you just started ignoring me...disappointed...so disappointed...perhaps you need to know you were never always right too...

Doesn't matter...henceforth not even the memories will remain...

Know that you chose to turn your back on an old friend...