I'm back!

So, I'm back.

 

I'm back after...posting my last blog in...2008. That's like...3-4 years?!! Wow, that's a long time.

 

So, what made me inspired to start writing again? Well, a psychic/Shaman/clairvoyant Native American I spoke to told me that I have 'some gifts', and one of them is in writing. She thought I can make a lot of money out of writing, just not immediately. Well, to be honest I didn't receive a lightning bolt (haha) from that revelation; just that my Angel cards ALSO show books and author now and then when I pick my daily messages; but really, more than that was because today especially, I feel the need to express. Just to express in words mostly what I feel inside of me, and this is one avenue I can do so entirely in my own space.

 

Usually I don't speak much at home, at home I'm really an introvert. Sometimes, I feel a lot of stuffs inside me, but I just don't know how to, nor really want to express them; or more like I haven't found an avenue to express them without judgements. Cos usually when I share things with my friends, I always get feedback, meaning, advice. Friends would almost always come back to me with advice, or what I should do, or how to do, how I should be, etc. I didn't really need any of those. (Of course, I understand friends usually are well-meaning and they try to be helpful, or simply, just a way of communicating, which is all really fine and well; I wouldn't want to be speaking with someone without feedback either. The thing here is, it is my....issue to learn.)

 

 

I am starting to realise, looking back, that because I have been listening TOO MUCH to outside suggestions, that I lost a sense of who I really am. Have you had that feeling before? How it manifested in my consciousness is, I think of something I have read, or the trainers/friends I have been listening to, and then I started thinking, ok, this is should I 'SHOULD BE', how a good person 'SHOULD BE', and then I started acting in that way. The problem is, I have many of those instances and I find myself increasingly, constantly questioning myself, the way I should be and behave, etc. Of course, this is not to say that all those stuffs I have read, all the books that the spiritual teachers and writers have written are no good, or that the trainers/teachers whom I have listened to, who have been teaching, are 'no good', on the contrary, I do believe there are good materials out there, and that all those books that the spiritual writers have written, are experiences they have gone through, and learnings that have came to them. Of that, I cannot judge, nor wish to.

 

What I feel is that, after a certain degree of reading, absorbing information/teachings, etc, we need to learn to......DISCERN FOR OURSELVES. And that is by no means a one day journey, or a shortcut. It could very well be a lifetime journey of self-discovery. And, that journey is exactly what I'm embarking on now.