Yesterday our 小妹 returned to work after one whole week on leave preparing for exams; all the ladies (except Jas) went out for lunch at Clementi. Stopped over at an Indian 'threading' shop before that, and took our turns. G went first; opting for facing threading; with every pull of the thread, her face twitched in pain, and her tears threatened to overflow...Ha ha ha...then it was Irene's turn doing her eyebrows, then my turn. I wanted to try and see what it was like...so I opted for facial threading. Boy was it fun!! It didn't feel the least painful like what G described. But I hated it when the Indian lady plucked out my 'sideburns' as well...although my face felt very smooth after that, I felt like the sides were...naked...to say the least...boy I hoped my sideburns grow back real quick!!

Today in the office...poor WP first received news that her precious, a Chihuahua, had breathing difficulties. Then by the time she received the 2nd call, the Chihuahua was dead. Poor girl was in tears at the news...and no little anger, to say the least. I was a little shocked myself, when I overheard the conversation, and I felt genuine sadness in my heart. I guess I feel for WP as well, and I felt that it was quite sad that a little dog passed away, even though I've never met him.

Well, I guess that WP never had to deal with the death of a precious dog before this (or maybe I'm wrong), but whatever it is, sure hoped that she gets over her loss soon.

And tonight was the 2nd last lesson dancing under the tuition of Gani, our current dance coach. Tonight's lesson was especially fun, as I felt I can do better with soft, flowy, graceful motions; rather than hip hop styles, hard, forceful expressions. The last part of tonight's lesson involved free-styling, innovation in slow, precise, concise movements. I especially enjoyed that last. Hoped that after next week, which is the last lesson, we will have more opportunities to dance with him again.

送君千里,最后一别

Reached the wake at almost 11am today, had my breakfast there and then just waited around for 12pm, for the procession to start. 师兄弟们都在等待, for they were to be the pall bearers. I think at least 1/2 the number of pple there to send B off are from 武术.

After the pall bearers lifted the coffin into the hearse, all of us followed behind for a short distance, before boarding the chartered bus. Then we were on our way to the Mandai crematorium. We entered one of the service hall where a short prayer ceremony took place. It was surprisingly short, from what I remembered of late uncle's prayer session. Perhaps it was the difference in religion or some such, as I heard that B was of Buddhist faith.

Shortly after paying our last respects, we adjourned to the viewing hall, where the coffin was first wheeled in, then placed on an automatic cart. Then it was wheeled into the roaring furnace, then the doors closed and we were barred from further view.

That was really the last journey for B in this life, in his physical form. 教练 instructed us not to cry, so the viewing hall was silent. But I could hear a sniffle here and there...including myself. As I stood there waiting and watching, the tears just flowed. Sigh, but I really felt pity for B...gone just like that, by his own hand, in the prime of his life. Until now the thought that he's gone, and in this fashion, just did not ring true; to many of us, so it would seemed.

晴天霹雳的消息

In the office today after lunch, I received an SMS from an old friend saying that B has passed away. I was shocked and read and re-read the message again: I thought I had gotten the name wrong, or read the message wrongly. But the message remained the same. A little while later another SMS from another old friend came, asking me to call him back urgently. And I did, la pronto...and...what I heard shook the ground under my feet, shifted my world where I sat. I kept asking what happened, and T said that he wasn't sure, and that B hung himself in the toilet. His body was found early this morning. 天啊...真是晴天霹雳的消息...真是无发相信...I was so shocked...for a moment I felt faint...of all people...

Although B and myself cannot be considered close, he was, after all, an old friend I grew up with, during a part of my life. We got to know each other when I was still in secondary school...and that was like...ages ago. That must've been like more than 10 years ago. I got to know him and the whole group when I enrolled for 武术 class. The whole group of us have trained together...went training camp together...laughed together...went out together...although we never kept in constant contact, we still see each other over the years during the reunion dinners that were held every year without fail. I think 教练 must've felt very shocked too...to think an able student of his...and of all people...I never imagined B would do such a thing. He was probably the last person on earth whom we would think would contemplate such a move. What must have gone through his mind just before he took his life? What must he have felt to take such a drastic move? Nobody knows, although some suspect....

I cannot imagine the horror his parents had to face, when they discovered him...I believe they were the ones who did...

Sigh...but for a moment there...I did feel tears at the edge of my eyelids...although I cannot honestly say I feel love for him as a friend...he was, however, still a friend of mine...and I feel really sad that whatever it was that had driven him to such a state, it must have really broken him. I thought I can imagine the terrible pain he must've been in, to move to take such a step...

Yet at the same time I felt the whole episode felt...surreal...it must've felt more so to the guys who met him just the night before he took his own life, becos it happened so suddenly, seemingly without any warnings. In my sadness, I also felt a momentary tinge of fear...fear that one day something beyond my limits to endure or comprehend may compel me to such a drastic (and foolish) move. Granted, I do not think that any of us want to take away our own lives; but I believe (as with this departed friend of mine), that at that moment in time sanity would have been teetering at the cliff's edge, before pitching over into oblivion; something so unutterably crushing that all the person wanted was to stop the pain, taking the only path and the only way he knew how to.

It made me wonder, that humans are really quite vulnerable at times, their 意志力薄弱. I wonder, with the advance in today's world, that human's mentality gets weaker.

It was really a great regret, that this friend could not sought solace in kinship or the friends that surround him...who could, at least, have pulled him back from the brink...of that I am profoundly sure.