My 2008 Resolutions

It's the end of the year again, time really flies...

This past year hasn't been too good for me, what with so many unhappy incidences at work...and some personal issues besides...with all that in mind, it's time to seriously think of the next step in life, at least where work's concerned...I have felt for some time that I have this time made a wrong decision in accepting this position, when my heart says otherwise...yet another part of me wondered if I should stay and fight, but to what avail? When I don't feel anything worth fighting for? Or is this another case of committment issue?

While I sit and ponder, it's time to make some resolutions for the year ahead:

1) Improve my relationship/communication with dad and mum (I must really commit to this; it's not gonna be easy);

2) Get a pet!

3) Commit on my path to self-healing (and work towards certification to be a trainer);

4) Work towards achieving inner peace, and 找回自己, i.e. spiritual growth;

5) Work on being assertive, to communicate myself more clearly;

6) Pick up a totally new, untried hobby;

7) Pay more attention to my health! Eat healthy, and exercise;

8) Arrange Taiwan trip with Fau & Sit;

9) Learn to follow my heart more;

10) Last but not least, save 60% of my pay every month.

Phew! So far have came up with these...have realised that over the years, material wants no longer bring me any happiness, and even if they do, it's very fleeting. I've just started on a path of self-healing and focusing more on inner and spiritual growth, and have started readings books on these...

I'm committed towards a happier me in 2008!!

A story to share...

One day a woman's husband died, and on that clear, cold morning, in the warmth of their bedroom, the wife was struck with the pain of learning that sometimes there isn't anymore. No more hugs, no more special moments to celebrate together, no more phone calls just to chat, no more "just one minute." Sometimes, what we care about the most gets all used up and goes away, never to return before we can say good-bye, say "I love you."So while we have it , it's best we love it and care for it and fix it when it's broken ... . and heal it when it's sick. This is true for marriage .. and old cars .. and children with bad report cards and dogs with bad hips and aging parents and grandparents. We keep them because they are worth it, because we are worth it. Some things we keep - - like a best friend who moved away or a classmate we grew up with. There are just some things that make us happy, no matter what. Life is important, like people we know who are special. And so, we keep them close!

I received this from someone who thought I was a 'keeper'! Then I sent it to the people I think of in the same way. Now it's your turn to share this with all those people who are "keepers" in your life, including the person who sent it if you feel that way.

Suppose one morning you never wake up, do all your friends know you love them?I was thinking...I could die today, tomorrow or next week, and I wondered if I had any wounds needing to be healed, friendships that needed rekindling or three words needing to be said. Let every one of your friends know you love them. Even if you think they don't love you back, you would be amazed at what those three little words and a smile can do.

Live today to the fullest because tomorrow is not promised , Only Eternity Is.

Updates, Updates...

Hahhaa...today is a dreary rainy day and was at home the whole day, generally sleeping. Came home near to 6am this morning and was sooo tired!!

Was idly going through websites and thought of logging in here, which I've not done for ages, and saw A's comment; so here I am...doing some kinda updates...

(I've arrived at the conclusion that I'm generally not a blog person...hahaha...so usually do not bother with entries...)

Well....been quite busy lately. Jap lessons are ending soon (but I haven't been doing much revision!!) Usually after work on weekdays would be too tired to do much, and weekends are either spent sleeping, going out with friends, or doing some other activities. On top of that have taken up a 'trainers' course' recently which will further take up my time for perhaps 3-6 months...the POV workshop which I have attended recently was so much fun and I enjoyed the process so much that I have decided to sign up for the trainers' course...at the same time I have been exploring to be a trainer, in the future...

Work has been quite alright in the meantime, although I do not get to handle ops stuffs anymore, I guess that is all to the better, for I have become quite sure that I do not wanna be 24*7 and worrying or keeping track of shipments over the weekend...and I guess....I have never really been passionately interested in doing ops....although it does pay well!! But I think it's more depressing to do something one doesn't enjoy, than to have slightly lower pay and doing something one can enjoy to a greater extent...if not totally....

Hmm...well now...on another aspect of my life...us girls (all sec school mates) gathered at O's place yesterday night...generally chitchatting and watching movies....Hui's pregnant and is 5 months advanced now...time really flies....of this group, most of them are married already....soon the talk will turn to babies...haa....how time really flies....and boy....am I aging too....well....another well-meaning gf (not of this grp) reminded me that I'm not getting any younger....perhaps she meant that I really should settle down soon although, whenever the subject came up, I will mention to any listening ears that I do not think of married life at all...not yet at any rate....perhaps I have not met a suitable guy to settle down with yet...but I honestly do not have thots of settling down....yet....

I guess I am still enjoying life as a single somewhat...although, if fate intervenes...that status may (soon) become a thing of the past....ahh...I do not even think about that....hahahha....

I met O recently who seems quite keen on me, although it cannot be possible as he is a Chinese Nat'l...I also met E recently through J, who insisted that he was my ex-coll during school days when we were doing waitressing stints, although for the life of me I do not rem him....I believe she may have remembered wrongly....well anyway...this E is also quite keen on me...though the same cannot be said of myself....did go out with him once though, till date....ah well....I do give every guy a chance....after all....

And finally, there is K....the guy with whom my heart resides....I think....he feels the same for me too....but he is not very forward with his advances....in the sense that he seldom asks me out....it would seem that most of the asking has been done on my end....although he does come out even if I were to ask him at the last moment....well now....this K is unlike most guys I have ever really met....he is so shy with me (and perhaps not confident enough with himself) that he doesn't seem to know how to initiate a conversation....but he is one of the rare guy who is 110% dependable (so perhaps that makes him a little boring....hahahha....) and he absolutely refuses to come out alone with any gal he feels has an interest in him (well at least that was the case with my sis)...perhaps I am lucky to have his interest...although I do feel very frustrated at times too...due to his reticence and 'woodiness'...and I honestly do not have much idea how to 'handle' him...nor get him to ask me out more....I have thought a few times in the past to let go and move on...but that kinda saddens me....ah well...we will see how it progresses....in the meantime I guess I will keep my options open!!

A Pot of Story

An elderly Chinese woman had two large pots, each hung on the ends of a pole, which she carried across her neck. One of the pot had a crack in it while the other pot was perfect and always delivered a full portion of water, at the end of the long walk from the stream to the house, the cracked pot arrived only half full. For a full two years this went on daily, with the woman bringing home only one and a half pot of water. Of course, the perfect pot was proud of its accomplishments. But the poor cracked pot was ashamed of its own imperfection, and miserable that it could only do half of what it had been made to do. After 2 years of what it perceived to be bitter failure, it spoke to the woman one day by the stream. "I am ashamed of myself, because this crack in my side causes water to leak out all the way back to your house." The old woman smiled, "Did you notice that there are flowers on your side of the path, but not on the other pot's side?" "That's because I have always known about your flaw, so I planted flower seeds on your side of the path, and every day while we walk back, you water them. For two years I have been able to pick these beautiful flowers to decorate the table. Without you being just the way you are, there would not be this beauty to grace the house."

Each of us has our own unique flaw. But it's the cracks and flaws we each have that make our lives together so very interesting and rewarding. You've just got to take each person for what they are and look for the good in them. SO, to all of my CRACKPOT friends, have a great day and remember to smell the flowers on your side of the path!

好快...一个月的时间将要过去了.

Next week will be my last week of R&R, on 2nd May I will be joining my new co. Previously had been a little worried cos the only other guy in the dept, whom I've spoken to, seems to have some kinda attitude issue when I wouldn't tell him what he wanted to know about what I perceived to be entirely personal issues. I was worried that I would have problems working with him. And just a few days ago, I received news from an industry insider that there's rumor that this same guy may be leaving Noble. I can't say whether or not I'm happy or worried; but now I worry that the dept may not be able to last. I don't entirely think my fears are unfounded, as, when I have spoken to the MD before, it seemed that previous people have tried to set up this dept but failed to make it last. Or perhaps I may have misconstrued his meaning. I have been wondering if I should not start sending out my CVs to other potential employers, but thought it may not be quite ethical to do that. But I guess ultimately, it all boils down to survival and ethicality may have nothing much to do with anything.

I'm in quite a bit of dilemma as to what I should do next: to wait and try it out or to start sending CVs? After all there may be a lull before I get any responses (or not at all) to my CVs.

Sometimes I feel that I have turned into quite a worry wart, am I not...

我真的要离开了

真是难以置信...四年的时间,就这样过去了.

Tendered my resignation yesterday after lunch. Just before that, broke the news to WP, and boy...was she shocked. Prior to that, Jas was the first one to know, and Li Li. Till now, only Jas, Li Li and Christine know where I'm headed for. Didn't reveal to the rest where and what my new co will be. Not sure why, but just don't feel like telling, for the moment at least. Maybe I'm just trying to keep the feeling of secrecy.

Hmm...when I first heard of this opening from an industry acquaintance, he asked if I'll be interested and to send my resume in. I complied at the time thinking that I'm not totally serious bout changing my job, nor do I expect to be called (although I did harbour thoughts of moving on, only that I wasn't looking aggressively. My thinking at that time was just to send it in and see what happens next, since he urged me to. Shortly after that the MD called me up and we talked at length trying to understand each other's expectations, objectives, goals and the like. After that it was a lull for a short period of time, but that was after I learned that the office is located at Alexandra Road. Right after my first thought was that I'd reject the job offer if I was offered one. And I didn't expect the MD to call me back; but when he did, asking to meet up for a talk, I accepted as I thought it wouldn't seem good to reject right away. So I met up with the MD and the rest, as they say, is history. I still had distance concerns at the time, but the MD expected an answer from me the next day. All in all I struggled really hard with my decision at the beginning, from outright resistance, to carefully measured decisions, to acceptance. I went through no small amount of struggle, as I really couldn't bear to leave my colleagues; but, I reasoned with myself that, 3 years down the road, I'd still be in the same position, doing the same things, gaining the same small, narrow scope.

Looking back, everything happened at a very fast pace, all in a short space of 3 weeks. And now, I have accepted the position and am finally moving on. It seems a little surreal, after working in a familiar environment around familiar faces for 4 years, that I am finally moving on. It may not sound like a big deal, especially for veterans in this industry of 10 to maybe 20 or even 30 odd years, but so far, this is the longest holding job since I graduated from poly.

Yesterday night chatted with Jas and WP via MSN. The poor girls seemed pretty affected by my moving on; but I believe by next Wed (which is my last day with them), they would have more or less accepted the fact. I guess Thurs and the following week will be a test for us all, sans my presense. I'm sure they will feel the loss for a period of time, but eventually life will go on. That applies to me too. Needless to say, I am excited at the thought of a new environment, new colleagues, new exposure and the training I will receive. But right at this moment, I feel a trifle melancholy, like a pall hanging over us all. Pink even uttered that she felt sad, as I'm sure most of the girls will. Even Jas seemed a little less 'bright' today, and she has probably sighed no fewer than 5 times since I first confided in her about the new prospect.

Yeah, I felt near to tears too, yesterday when I chatted with them. I think next Wed will be really, really hard for all of us *sob* I feel sad about leaving them, and I feel sad when I see them sad. This morning the rest of the dept had a meeting, and we talked about what was discussed during the meeting. When Irene mentioned that Eve was definitely sad about it, boy, my heart sure feels heavy.

*sob* 真的好舍不得!!

我的最爱

Currently the latest love of my life is...

漂亮吧?!!

Voices of the Wild

Hmm...now typing this entry at K's rented place.

Went with the girls today to an 'event'...as I termed it...at Rendezvous Hotel...

The event was hosted by ACRES, a non-profit organization advocating for the stamp-down on smuggling and abuse of wildlife animals, and animals in captivity. What especially got to me was a clip of the black bears in captivity in China, caged in cages only about as big as the bears themselves, with no room to sit, turn, roll or lie down. The first bear I saw in his cage don't even have the space to raise his head!! The only position they could assume was the one they held all along: stand in that single, stationary position. The bears kept in such apalling conditions eventually turned crazy, and they banged their heads repeatedly against the metal bars of the cage, developing permanent scars on their heads. The bears were caged for their gall bladder; the farmers stabbed the bears with metal rods to drain them of their gall bladder, and the wounds were never allowed to heal. The only time the bears were let out of their cage was to be slaughtered.

From the speech given by the founder of ACRES, it seems that their campaign to stop bear-farming in China was near to impossible, as most of the bear-farms in China were owned by the government. Sad to say, countless more bears will undoubtedly face the same tragic fate, for the bear farmers do not actually think it is wrong to keep the bears in such way, nor do they feel that the bears are suffering.

Louis, the main founder of ACRES, went on to recount many more stories of rescue of animals. We heard stories of how smugglers would stuff primates and birds into pipes and store them in their cabin luggages. Upon arrival, more often than not, the poor animals would die.

Dear friends, if you are reading this, do whatever you can to contribute in part to the rescue of the animals; be it donation, or volunteering your time and energy.

Visit them @ www.acres.org.sg to find out more.

Whew...without a doubt I'm definitely a lazy blogger...ha ha ha...inconsistency becomes me...

Hmm...just came back from Cambodia on 9th Jan...shortly before that last year went Kukup...and shortly before that Tioman...and yet before that, China...hmm...seems like I've been to quite a number of places during a short duration of time....

I still plan to go Vietnam, Myanmar, maybe Tibet...and I also want to go Korea, Japan, Taiwan, Hongkong, U.S., New Zealand...wow...so many places siah...

Geez...time's getting late...been spending the whole day today lazing around at home...thanks to the weather...had wanted to go shopping for a dress for J's wedding...as her 姐妹...jeez...feel panicky at the thought that I'd not be able to find a suitable dress....and so little time left!!

Ha ha...in any case...will probably devote the whole of next 2 weeks to intensive shopping!! Cleared up my room and bills and personal stuffs today....so I've handled my personal stuffs....nothing for me to worry bout so can concentrate on finding The Dress....ha ha...feels great....a sense of satisfaction in clearing up my entire room...guess when CNY approaches...all I need to do is spring clean....no need to tidy up anything....ha ha...I think...not only am I a lazy blogger....I am also a lazy shopper....ha ha ha....

Hmm...went to J's place yesterday too...for her 'hens' party...oh but was her Molly cute!!

I think the 2 things I want most now (but am reconsidering umpteen times)....is a car, and a dog....sigh....one's a financial burden....the other's a financial AND time and energy commitment...