Fireworks Skating

Skated from Fort Road yesterday, and out onto the streets/roads all the way to the stadium to watch fireworks. On the way there, at Fort Road, as I increased my speed, my left leg wobbled and I fell on my tummy and I think I slided a short distance. I was winded and my tummy suffered the impact, as with my right shoulder. Both my elbows were scraped and bleeding and my right thigh suffered a slightly milder abrasion.

This was the first time I went on urban skate with the group, and I felt nervous, but not afraid. I was nervous cos we were crossing roads at traffic lights and small lanes, up and down bridges and across uneven pathways, not built for skating. My poor elbows were stinging all the way, especially when I splashed water on them to clean up the wounds (pity I don't have pictures here to show :D). On the way there, we stopped at MacDonalds (our first stop was KFC, but one of the staff, an auntie, told us not to enter as we were on skates). We had fun joking around and having fries and drinks, then promptly went on our way to somewhere outside the stadium. Once there, we didn't have long to wait, as the fireworks display commenced shortly.

What a sight!! We had clear, unobstructed view and the fireworks were so pretty! My favourite was the one at the end, where it looked like a shower of golddust raining down on us. I guess I liked that one cos each ribbon was very fine, and minute. And the whole design looked intricate, and delicate.

Luckily Chief Coach and Uncle Tay were guiding us all the way to and from the stadium, and occasionally JerBBear will marshal the road ahead and guide us as well (and he saved me from a head-on crash into the wall...ha ha ha). So all in all, I didn't suffer any more cuts and bruises and falls than I did on the way out from Fort Road. So all in all it was a good experience, and a thoroughly enjoyable one.

I am glad I went with them.

好想哭...怎么办?? 好累...

Was chatting with SM, and he mentioned he still keep in touch with her, but they talk less now. He said he felt less hurt than in the past, so he felt that he is already moving on. When I was chatting with SM, I suddenly had the urge to add him back into my MSN list, though I was very afraid of doing that. To retain or get back any kind of link, would be dangerous, to say the least. At least that's what many people have been telling me. Not that I intend to talk to him. But to see his name again, would be just as bad; as the thought crossed my mind I immediately banished it. But in the wake of that thought, was pain. And in the wake of that pain, was impending tears. I don't understand why, did that thought bring pain and almost-tears. My heart felt so heavy, so melancholy. I thought I was truly well and over it. I could even laugh and enjoy my activities, and looking forward to meeting new friends. But today the sun in my life seemed to be hiding behind clouds. At work was pretty ok, but coming home straight...perhaps I didn't keep myself busy enough this week with activities...heck...really don't understand this change of emotions. Perhaps the pain is still there...hidden...not as sharp as the beginning...but not totally banished yet. They said that time will heal all wounds; it is true, but my time is not long enough yet. How I wish it were though, so I don't have to go through all this...

5 Golden Rules...

A relationship coach lays out his 5 golden rules for evaluating the prospects of long-term success.When it comes to making the decision about choosing a life partner, no one wants to make a mistake. Yet, with a divorce rate of close to 50 percent, it appears that many are making serious mistakes in their approach to finding Mr/Ms Right! If you ask most couples who are engaged why they're getting married, they'll say: "We're in love." I believe this is the #1 mistake people make when they date. Choosing a life partner should never be based on love (alone). Though this may sound not politically correct, there's a profound truth here. Love (alone) is not the basis for getting married. Rather, love is the result of a good marriage. When the other ingredients are right, then the love will come. Let me say it again: You can't build a lifetime relationship on love alone. You need a lot more. Here are five questions you must ask yourself if you're serious about finding and keeping a life partner.

QUESTION #1:

Do we share a common life purpose? Why is this so important? Let me put it this way: If you're married for 20 or 30 years, that's a long time to live with someone. What do you plan to do with each other all that time? Travel, eat and jog together? You need to share something deeper and more meaningful. You need a common life purpose. Two things can happen in a marriage. You can grow together, or you can grow apart. 50 percent of the people out there are growing apart. To make a marriage work, you need to know what you want out of life - bottom line - and marry someone who wants the same thing.

QUESTION #2:

Do I feel safe expressing my feelings and thoughts with this person? This question goes to the core of the quality of your relationship. Feeling safe means you can communicate openly with this person. The basis of having good communication is trust! i.e. trust that I won't get "punished" or hurt for expressing my honest thoughts and feelings. A colleague of mine defines an abusive person as someone with whom you feel afraid to express your thoughts and feelings. Be honest with yourself on this one. Make sure you feel emotionally safe with the person you plan to marry.

QUESTION #3:

Is he/she a mensch? A mensch is someone who is a refined and sensitive person. How can you test? Here are some suggestions:

1. Do they work on personal growth on a regular basis?

2.Are they serious about improving themselves? A teacher of mine defines a good person as "someone who is always striving to be good and do the right thing". So, ask about your significant other: What do they do with their time? Is this person materialistic? "Usually, a materialistic person is not someone whose top priority is character refinement. There are essentially two types of people in the world:

a) People who are dedicated to personal growth and people who are dedicated to seeking comfort.

b) Someone whose goal in life is to be comfortable will put personal comfort ahead of doing the right thing. You need to know that before walking down the aisle.

QUESTION #4:

How does he/she treat other people? The one most important thing that makes any relationship work is the ability to give. By giving, we mean the ability to give another person pleasure. Ask: Is this someone who enjoys giving pleasure to others or are they wrapped up in themselves and self-absorbed?
To measure this, think about the following:

1. How do they treat people whom they do not have to be nice to, such as waiters, bus boys, taxi drivers, etc?

2. How do they treat parents and siblings? Do they have gratitude and appreciation?

3. Do they show respect? If they don't have gratitude for the people who have given them everything, you cannot expect that they'll have gratitude for you - who can't do nearly as much for them!

4. Do they gossip and speak badly about others? Someone who gossips cannot be someone who loves others. You can be sure that someone who treats others poorly, will eventually treat you poorly as well.

QUESTION #5:

Is there anything I'm hoping to change about this person after we're married?Too many people make the mistake of marrying someone with the intention of trying to "improve" them after they're married. As a colleague of mine puts it, "You can probably expect someone to change after marriage...for the worse!" If you cannot fully accept this person the way they are now, then you are not ready to marry them. In conclusion, dating doesn't have to be difficult and treacherous. The key is to try leading a little more with your head and less with your heart. It pays to be as objective as possible when you are dating, to be sure to ask questions that will help you get to the key issues. Falling in love is a great feeling, but when you wake up with a ring on your finger, you don't want to find yourself in trouble because you didn't do your homework. HOW WILL I KNOW IF I'VE MET THE PERSON I SHOULD MARRY? The choice of a marriage partner should not be based on "I get a warm, wonderful feeling whenever we're together and I want to have that warm wonderful feeling forever, so let's go get married". Feelings, as we have discussed, have no logic on their own. They need to be acknowledged, of course, but they need considerable assistance from your brain. Marriage means choosing the person you will spend the rest of your life with. This, as you may have guessed, is a very long time to spend with one person.
This person will live with you, eat meals with you, sleep with you and go on vacation with you. More important yet, this person will share your children. You need to choose wisely. The decision should not be made based on feelings alone. You need to ask yourself some tough questions.
The decisions have to be made on solid considerations. Will this person be a good partner?
Is she mature enough to put her own selfish desires aside to look out for what is best for the family? Is he prepared to be a good provider? What is his track record? Is he responsible enough to get a good job and keep it? Will this person be a good parent? Can you stand the thought of your children turning out exactly like this person?

They will, you know. Children spend a lot of time with their parents and consequently pick up many or most of their parents' character traits. You had better like your spouse's traits a lot because you will be seeing them again in your children. If something were to happen to you, would you completely trust this person, alone, with the task of raising and forming your children?
This is not a pleasant thought, but it is an important consideration. Not everyone dies at a ripe old age with great grandchildren gathered around the bed. Sometimes a parent dies and leaves young children in the care of the other parent.
If you feel that you would need to be around to correct or lessen this person's influence on your children, then you are considering the wrong person. Saying "This is right and that is wrong, and I want you to ignore Mommy until you are thirty-five" does not work. Small children ask about eight million questions in a single day. The answers to those questions go a long way toward forming the kind of adults they will become. Who will be answering those questions for your children? Does this person you are marrying have sexual self-control? Single people sometimes have this idea that marriage is just some kind of lifelong sex festival and that as long as they have each other, they will never be tempted by other people. Wrong! There are many times in every marriage when one partner or the other is sexually unavailable - illness, the last months of pregnancy, travel. There are also times when spouses, just get on each others' nerves. At times like this, other people can seem very appealing. That can be dangerous, because there are plenty of very attractive people out there who are willing to make themselves available to married men and women. Do you want someone who has never said "no" to sex? If he is not good at saying "no" at eighteen, it won't be different at forty. Do you want to worry about whether or not your Spouse is being faithful? These are very important questions, and if you are not comfortable with all of the answers, you should definitely not marry this person. None, if this is to say that feelings play no role at all in a marriage decision. You don't have to, "Well, I suppose that you would make a good spouse and parent, so even though I don't particularly like you I guess I'll marry you'.

You need to be happy and excited about the prospect of spending your life with someone. Your brain however must acknowledge that this person as a good choice. Don't listen to your heart alone nor your head alone. Wait until your heart and head agree.

My Horoscope Today

The Bottom Line
If you're waiting for a major change, it won't come unless you go and seek it out.

In Detail
If you want something (or someone), go out and get it. Avoid playing hard to get or pretending you're not that interested -- they're just silly ploys to hide your insecurities, and you're much better than that. Your drive is in need of a loud wake-up call, that's all. Shake it up and make the changes you've been hoping someone else would make. You know what needs to be done, and you know how to do it. If you act boldly enough, this day will offer you many accomplishments.

My Birthday!!

Yesterday, 13 July 06, was my birthday.

I was feeling a trifle melancholy a few days before that, at the thought that there'd be no one special to celebrate it with. I remembered when I was still with Ben not that long ago, I was thinking of how he was going to celebrate it for me. And I remembered feeling happy that this year, my birthday was going to be a little different. Well, I believe I am happier now out of the unsuitable relationship, even though it was difficult at first. I remembered thinking to myself that, with someone right, everyday will be a Valentine's day, or everyday will feel like my birthday *smile* But right now I am absolutely going to live life to the fullest and do whatever I had wanted to do but didn't get done all that time before.

Anyway, Jas initiated a lunch for me, but couldn't make it at the last minute as she had some urgent issues to resolve. Irene got Capt to come along and together with Pink and WP, adjourned to Crystal Jade Kitchen at Jurong Point. After lunch we all headed back to office as Pink cannot afford to be out for too long. When we reached office there were 2 bouquet of flowers waiting for me...and I knew who they were from even before I read the cards *grin*

But the flowers are pretty anyway, and I've never received 2 bouquet of flowers on the same day.

But I felt a little disappointed as my colleagues didn't get me anything this year, as we usually did for each other's birthday, so I can't help but felt the unfairness of it; and I felt a little hurt that they didn't bother.

The flowers were really lovely, and they really brightened up my day. But the rest of the day didn't feel much like my birthday. After work I met up with SM for a dinner (alas JL couldn't come along due to an impending meeting) and we joined sis and William for a movie-Pirates of the Carribean, The Dead Man's Chest-SM and myself tarried a little too long in finding an eating place, and we ended up having to take away sandwiches from Cafe Cartel. But the sandwiches were nice, though it was quite a mess and hassle to eat them in the cinema. We missed a little of the beginning of the show, as it had already started as we made our way in.

I hadn't exactly find the show really that fantastic: I still find the first show the nicer of the two.

After movie it was home sweet home.

Thursday, 6th July 06

Met sista at CP, went Courts to buy a phone. Was tempted to buy those cordless ones, but the cheapest one cost at least $89!! And the staff explained that nowadays all cordless phones use IC technology, meaning the phone cannot be left in the deck after the phone is fully charged, else the phone will be damaged. Unlike in the old days where cordless phones technology uses microchip, which made the phones more hardy. I liked a Panasonic model, but that particular model doesn't have LCD nor keypad lights, and another one that did, cost around $178!! In the end decided to just settle for a normal corded phone, that cost only $16.50, an Alcom model. Its design is simple and clean, and I like it! On the way out of CP, who did I meet but ZL!! My ex-secondary school classmate whom I haven't seen for years!! Was so happy and pleasantly surprise to see her there! She was with another ex-classmate whom I don't know, and both of us were chatting happily away. The whole of that day, I was feeling pretty lousy (and didn't understand one bit of it), but after stepping out of office to finally getting a phone (felt pretty happy bout it even though it wasn't any fantastic, cool-looking, expensive phone) and then chance meeting of ZL there, felt way better already. Promised ZL to keep in touch and organize a gathering for all old classmates...pretty good end to the day...

Friday, 7th July 06

Met sista at Yishun, went to the Chinese doc to have my wrist looked at. Been hurting for the past few days already. Let the Chinese doc did my back as well, as it was hurting the day before, although it wasn't hurting now. Phew...it hurt pretty much, when he was 'massaging' my back. Just gritted my teeth and let him do his job, but the worse was to come yet!! When he finally got down to look at my wrist, he massaged it real hard...but the worst was when he used a hammer on it!!! I really screamed then...gawd...and try as I might, the tears just welled up. He explained that he used the hammer to 'break' the knot inside my wrist, as the 'lymphatic fluid'? has gathered into a hard knot at my wrist over a long period of time and couldn't flow free back, due to overusage of my wrist. Gawd it really hurts like crazy. My poor wrist is now in a bandage and hurts more than before. Couldn't even move it properly now. And I still have to massage it myself everyday...sigh...so many injuries...hope it heals quickly.

Ha ha, after that we got BK and sneaked it into the cinema to watch Superman. Hmm...felt that the plot was so-so only, though the main lead, Brandon Routh was quite cute!! I still prefer the Superman drama serials and movies in the old days when Christopher Reeve was the actor. But a pity he's now gone, an iconic actor of the old days...the day

Hmm...but Keanu Reeves is still my fav, as I feel that he's still the coolest-looking of all. And Tom Hanks is another one of my fav actor, as he's really really very good, a character actor. He's so good that his acting actually bring tears to my eyes in 'Saving Private Ryan' and 'Terminal'.

All in a day...

2nd July-Sunday

Reached Fullerton hotel at around 10+am. I was there at the hotel to attend Henry & Shirley's wedding in the capacity of sista's partner. Hadn't really known the couple well, wouldn't have gotten a chance to go otherwise. Went up to the bridal suite...it was really fantastic. There were 2 levels in the suite; the lower level is the living room and work area, the upper level is the bedroom and bathroom level. Helped around best I could, at the ballroom cocktail area. Helped to put up tealight candles, and the picture albums and frames. And then ushered the guests in when lunch was almost commencing.

There's a floor area in front of the stage, where the couple danced a number after they walked-in. Buffet lunch was only so-so, variety was disappointingly few, and not really that exceptional for a 6-star hotel. Baby Jav was there!! Oh was he cute!! I think baby J is really really intelligent; he's only a year and half old, and couldn't articulate words yet, yet he understands what the adults say to him and he responded accordingly. Really intelligent and adorable boy...

After the lunch ended, we all headed up to the bridal suite. Changed into my togs and then it's off to EC!!

Reached EC at around 4+pm, waited for LGG to come back and hand my blades back to me. The bladers went urban skating to Changi beach and reached back to EC only near to 6pm. The other group of bladers (SKbladers) were there as well, in fact their group had quite a big turnout. Yesterday was really quite crowded. Really was quite happy to see so many familiar faces, even those who didn't go EC regularly also turned up. Had a surprise SMS from JY, who disappeared for so long, asking how I am, and asked when am I free to meet up. He headed down to EC after hearing that I'd be there.

When LGG came back, I went to his car to get my blades, and saw an ugly situation. When I reached the car park, I heard loud and insistent horning. Indeed, one of the driver was pressing on his horn relentlessly, without let-up. Saw a lorry in the opposite direction from other cars, trying to bully his way through. The car directly in front of him was reversing and yet, the lorry was keeping close to his bonnet, seemingly trying to push him into a corner. I turned away for a while and turned back a moment later, only to see the lorry's driver climbing back into this seat. Presumably he'd gotten out of his vehicle to threaten the other driver. He made a sharper turn then, and I reaslised he could've made that turn earlier, instead of keeping at the other reversing car's head. What a horrible person! The lorry driver then went on in a bad temper, only to threaten the other car in his way who'd blocked him, when he was the one in the wrong direction. Again the rude driver started horning insistently. Gawd...what a downright horrible person!! I felt angry seeing the driver behaving in such a tyrannical fashion and bullying the other drivers. Couldn't bear to see anymore, took my blades and headed back to the skate shop where others were gathered.

And then my colleagues: CK, WT, Pink and a few others. Felt so happy to have so many friends there! Sis and I started skating late, so by the time we reached back to Hvper the bladers have left already. Nick, Albert, sis and I were then debating where to have dinner and ended up at Kenny Rogers. Had a great meal and chit-chat session and then headed back to the skating ring. First time at the skating ring; practised my T-brakes. More proficient at it now. But then again, the floor's really smooth which made it easier to practise.

Realised only today that I left my Gucci shades at Hvper yesterday night, panicked when I couldn't find it in the box. Asked around and luckily, sunshine confirmed that my shades were being kept in safe-keeping in the shop. Sis went down EC today and viola!! Got my shades back for me. Thank heavens!! Else I'd have to spend another (not small) sum of money to get another one. All's well that ends well...

The Insensitivity and the Senselessness of it

The insensitivity of humans, I definitely do not understand any of it. Just yesterday at work, while the group of us were discussing the location for a chill out, apparently baldie was making some joke to tomboy via Yahoo, and tomboy laughed and blurted out to me the joke. Of course, I am the butt of the joke. When I heard the joke, I totally lost it. It was a downright tasteless, insensitive and degrading joke. How can anyone, any girl stomach that kind of joke? Besides, I'm still recovering from my past relationship. I'm mostly ok, but that doesn't mean I don't sting from digs like these. The gall of it, it went straight to my heart like a sharp arrow, the point cutting deep. If words are swords, I'd be bleeding right there and then.

As it were, my tears flowed out before I could stop it. Another colleague, WP saw something was wrong and asked if I was ok. That undid me; the dams just burst and the tears came flowing out. I wonder if, at another time, I'd just scold baldie back in mock anger; I believe my wounds are still fairly fresh. And baldie, being the originator of such tasteless and low-class jokes, really overdid it this time.

Not only did I hurt, I was seething with anger. I was so angry the only thing I could think of was to hurt them back. It kept going around in my mind, the things I would have said to them, to put them down, to humiliate them, to insult them, to put them in their place, to teach them a lesson. Whatever. Nobody deserves to suffer another's mocking, in whatever form it takes.

Over the past two days, I alternated between wanting to seek revenge in the form of hitting back, of defending myself, and learning forgiveness; trying to forgive them. I kept telling myself that baldie didn't mean it, and that he always makes jokes in these manner. But that didn't make the hurt go away. Nope it didn't, everytime a concern friend asked me about it, the moment I mentioned it, tears started welling in my eyes again. Sigh...the later 1/2 of this week hadn't been a good week at all.

First D mentioned the friend who walked out on me, and that brought the hurt back. Talking to him brought tears into my eyes. I hated myself for having so much tears, but, the hurt was just there, and the hurt translated itself into tears. Much as I tried to stem the flow, it just didn't stop welling up.

And then after that I had to encounter this unfair and hurtful event. I was so angry that when J called this morning asking how I was, I told her outright I wanted an apology from those 2 Mon morning, face-to-face. If they did something like this, they should at least have the courage to apologise. Even if they don't, they should be made to.

I surmised that I hurt so easily lately is becos my wounds have not totally healed yet. I have not yet totally come back to myself, although on most occasions I thought I did. But events like these only showed me that just a little is enough to trip me up, at the moment. I hope that I can recover my equilibrium soon.

If I have enough time left on earth only for one more thing, I will want to learn forgiveness. I realised that forgiveness is the hardest thing to learn, but when really grasped, forgiveness frees oneself. It frees the person from hatred and anger and all things dark.

I do not forget easily, and I forgive less easily. But I do, eventually, forgive. Only it takes some time. I hope that one day, I can learn to forgive and forget.

Everything that happened, happened for a reason. Every choice made, leads to other possibilities.

~Not having everything you want is a blessing in disguise; if you already have everything you want, what else is there to live for?~